Abandonment

 

I decided to do this challenge because I have a lot to say, and now I have a media in which to do it.  Since We are starting with the letter A I chose the word abandonment.  There we several to choose from but this is a good one.

My father abandoned us when I was 7 years old.  I remember him walking out the door with his pajamas hanging out of his pants pocket.  All 4 of us (my sister and 2 brothers, I am the oldest) were at the dinner table and my mom was making chicken soup for us. Mrs. Grass’ chicken soup.  That egg of chicken fat brings back so many memories. My mother never let us see her cry or be upset.  I didn’t realize at that time that when he said he was leaving, he meant for good.

Then there was my stepfather for less than a year.  He used to beat my mother terribly.  I could hear her screaming and begging for him to stop.  He put her in the hospital more than once. Again she never let us know what she was going through.  I never told her I could hear it all.  We actually abandoned him.  My mom packed us up and took us away. There was another divorce.

There were other boyfriends, some moved in and stayed, others just visited.  They all left.  Then there was the last one.  They were together for over 20 years.  In the beginning I liked him.  He was always there.  My mother needed him.  She was a nurturer.  He abandoned her by being arrested twice and spending a lot of time in jail.  He was very naïve and got suckered into scams then he took the blame.  Finally the final abandonment he died in the shower.

I watched my mother go thru all this and loved her for what she was willing to do for us.  She was my best friend and on 11/8/2009 she abandoned me for the final time.  That is a loss that I am still having a hard time accepting.  She loved with more than she had.  She always wanted to protect us even as adults.  When she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, she would not let the doctors or nurses tell us what was wrong.  I knew it was cancer, but could not get any facts.  I loved her and stayed with her till the end.  I would not abandon her.

There are many ways abandonment affects our lives.  It is strange how some memories stay so clear with us after many years and yet sometimes we can’t remember why we came into a room.  I think that some experiences have way more meaning and our subconscious saves these knowing we may need them at a later date.

Is abandonment bad, who knows.  These experiences helped make me the person I am today.  Had they not happened who’s to say I would even be sitting here typing this now.  I thank God for letting me survive all this and to learn something from the experiences.  I always say that people come into our lives 3 ways: a REASON, and when that reason is over they leave. A SEASON, these stay for a longer time but still leave when they no longer have a purpose. A LIFETIME these people stay forever.  I mourn the loss of some friendships, but know that it is a part of life.  I cherish many others because I know they will always be there for me.  Would I change anything in life? I would have not wanted my mother beaten, but it taught me how strong she was and gave me a model to strive for.